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55 Geeky One Line Jokes

Infect yourself with 50 hilarious geeky one-line jokes.

Logical

  • There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.
  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  • Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
  • Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
  • To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
  • CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.

funny one line jokes

Browsing

  • The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?
  • The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.
  • Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.

Operating Systems

  • The box said ‘Requires Windows Vista or better’. So I installed LINUX.
  • UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
  • In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
  • C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run
  • Bugs come in through open Windows.
  • Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun.
  • Unix is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.
  • Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.
  • NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands.
  • My daily Unix command list: unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep.
  • Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”
  • Erik Naggum: “Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.”
  • Windows isn’t a virus, viruses do something.
  • Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open Windows.
  • Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.

one line jokes

Programming

  • If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  • I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
  • The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
  • Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers.
  • Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
  • The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program.
  • I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.
  • Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
  • If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question.
  • The more I C, the less I see.
  • COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
  • Michael Sinz: “Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.”
  • If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
  • Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.
  • My attitude isn’t bad. It’s in beta.

 

one line jokes

Ad Absurdum

  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
  • E-mail returned to sender, insufficient voltage.
  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  • Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  • If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!
  • If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.
  • SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.
  • Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.
  • Linus Torvalds: “Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.”
  • Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.

Calculations

  • There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  • Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
  • Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
  • An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint… “I understand”, says the bartender – and pours two pints.
  • 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d.